Numb
by Pseudonymagne
Summary: How Kurt takes being denied by NYADA, and what Rachel does about his actions. Might be slightly graphic.


Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

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I wanted to smile for her achievement. I wanted to jump with her and ramble about how bright her future is going to be, but I just couldn't. I couldn't even move. Finn didn't get into his school either, so it makes me feel slightly better about myself, but I still couldn't praise Rachel. I could see her hiding her true happiness for mine and Finn's sakes, but she didn't have to bother. At that moment, I felt like I wasted all of my time, energy, and anticipation. I felt slightly envious of Rachel, but most importantly, I felt like I wasn't good enough.  
In the choir room, our last meeting as the William McKinley High Glee Club, I couldn't even face anyone. Blaine even asked me, " Are you alright, Kurt? I know it's hard to cope with this, but you should still dream big. And besides, there's always next year."  
That only made me more aggravated.  
" Yeah, I'm fine, Blaine," I replied.  
Mr. Shuester walked into the room a few minutes late, like he always had.  
" Good day, everyone, I have some very exciting news that I'm sure Rachel, herself, would like to tell," he greeted.  
I couldn't help but to roll my eyes at his words. Rachel's my best friend. How come I wasn't happy for her?  
" We already know," Puck started, " It was the first thing she blabbed on about today.' I got into NYADA, blah, blah, blah, road to Broadway, blah.' So yeah."  
I wanted to bro-fist Puck right then and there, but that would be damaging to mine and Rachel's friendship.  
" It'd be nice if you were a little bit more supportive," Rachel complained. " And Kurt and Finn, I'm sorry I wasn't very sympathetic when we were opening our letters."  
" It's alright. I knew it was the most sympathy you could muster at the time. Besides, you deserved it," Finn accepted.  
" Sure," I forced out.  
" What do you mean by 'sure'?" Rachel questioned.  
" Just 'sure'."  
Dead silence now, as everyone was listening in.  
" Oh, Kurt, how funny you are. Apologies are always nice to accept," Finn hinted passive-aggressively.  
" No, no. Let Kurt explain himself," Rachel insisted.  
I took it as an opportunity to voice my opinion.  
" Well, I'm more upset over the fact that I didn't get in than I am happy that you got in, obviously. And I, personally don't think the choosing was fair."  
" And why do you say that?" Rachel asked. That made me see total red.  
" Because you freaking choked!" I reprimanded. " I thought I had nailed my final audition, but you, you choked not only once, but twice, and you also had to BEG to be given another chance- and you get in over me. What message does that send to everyone? That it doesn't matter if you reach all the requirements, but if you showed obnoxious ambition and desperation, you'll get everything and anything you want handed to you? That is unjust. You were probably given a second chance on a whim after the first time you choked. You do not know how terrible I feel about not getting into NYADA. I feel like a failure; I feel like I've really wasted time and space, when I was so certain that I was going to get in, earlier."  
I had to stop ranting since I was really just rambling on and on.  
" If you were denied a role after an audition, you'd want to do everything in your power to get the part. That is what I had done," Rachel reasoned.  
" That's not the main thing, though. The main thing is that if you got in, why couldn't I?"  
" That's not something you should be getting mad at me for," is all she said. It was all she had to say. I sat down in my chair and waited for Mr. Shue to say something.  
" And you know what, Kurt?" Rachel continued, " I don't really like how you're targeting me. There are thousands of other people who had applied to NYADA. Maybe you just weren't a qualifier. Attacking me isn't going to get you in."  
" I know it isn't going to get me in! I know nothing is going to change the decision, but it seems as if you're smearing your achievement all across the world."  
" Of course I am going to do that; it's been a life goal to be a Broadway star, and I am so close to it."  
" But do you even know the chances of making it big? You're just going to be another pebble on the pavement." I couldn't believe I went so far as to downing Rachel, but what Rachel did next was even worse. Barbaric, I'd call it. She picked up one of the guitars lying around in the room and swung at me. She struck me right in the eye. I was crying out in pain when she took another swing. By now, I was doubled over in the fetal position, trying my best to defend myself. I felt my body becoming more and more numb by the second.  
" Rachel, stop!" Mr. Shue and Finn both demanded, but she continued to hammer at me with the guitar, which was breaking apart with every swing. I started to bleed so severely that I didn't know how I was still conscious. I couldn't see, but I can hear a few people struggling to hold Rachel back, but she took one last swing with the fretboard, the only part of the guitar that wasn't in pieces, and knocked me unconscious.

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I wanted to mention that I wrote this fic for the fact that I can sort of relate to Kurt's not getting in to NYADA. I recently applied to a school with nine other people in my year, and I was one of the 3 people that didn't get in, and that kind of put me in the mood where I felt that I wasn't good enough.( It was a smart people school, by the way.) So it sort of hit home when Kurt and Finn didn't get in, but the best stories come from influences/ experiences :)

And the part Rachel beats Kurt with the guitar, that didn't happen to me or anyone else or anything. Just saying.


End file.
